Morganville  The Reality Show
by invisibilgirl
Summary: Local film crew KHVB follows Morganville celebrities around to show their real life -   enjoy
1. Chapter 1

This is a parody - inspired by Vampirejunkie34 - thank you

Hope you all enjoy it and please READ and REVIEW :)

Morganville - The Reality Show

Chapter 1 Francois

Morganville, a small town in Southwestern Texas, a sleepy town, nothing really happens here - nothing ? …well, until KHVB , Channel 4 decided to film a Reality Show nobody ever imagined would be possible .

It became an instant hit in Morganville. People staying at home Thursday nights, not because of the danger outside, but to find out if Oliver will get a new Barista in his coffee shop after he accidentally drained the last one ( '"Honestly, I did not know was a hemophiliac …." true statement of Oliver , coffee owner ) or if Amelie, will fire her hairstylist for ruining her beautiful hair with a horrible damaging perm.

Each episode will show you a life of a different prominent Morganville celebrity - so enjoy , lean back . Get some popcorn or a fresh blood bag and enjoy :

Today on " Morganville the Reality Show " - Francois, a misunderstood Vampire !

" Test, test, test….is the camera on ? ….hey crew, …is the camera on ? Oh, bon . Good , so you are following me around all day long today "

Cameraman is nodding : " Just act normal….Ok? . "

"That is easy for you to say . You are not followed by a camera all the time.."

" It is just today , Sir. It is not all the time. …..So please, just do what you are always do ."

" Like this …" Francois mimicking fangs

" Yes , like this Sir " and the cameraman waves his hand , giving Francois a hint to move on.

"….a well, then…..This is my room. I know it is not much, but right now ….. hiding , Amelie wants me dead - you know , don't really have much time for decorating. Kind of want to hold everything off until things settle a bit down, comprise ? "

Camera nodds.

" Usually I get up around midnight. Not really an early riser, you know.. It is just sometimes hard to motivate yourself getting out of bed, when nobody supports you. " Francois is moving slowly , courtesy to the team, opening the fridge and takes a small blood bag.

" I don't have too many friends in town anymore. …thinking about it, I never really had friends here." he takes a sip from the bag , his eyes getting watery.

" You know, it is really hard , when nobody likes you. You come to this point - heh man, why are you doing all this ? Is anybody ever calling you to hang out with you, killing one or two humans together ….Just having fun, you know ?"

Francois takes another sip and pulls his rope closer together, his long pale legs sticking out , his feet in some old wooden clogs.

" Do you have anymore contact with Ysandre ? " the producer asks.

' Not really. She just used me, you know. I …..I was just a piece of meat for her…" he moves over to his little cot in the corner and drops the robe . His pale , naked body turned to the camera.

" Sir, would you please turn around, this is a family program "

'" Ah oui ! I forgot. I am not a pervert or something. I loved children….You won't believe it, but I am a very good babysitter. Children are crazy about me - I AM a sensitive person, you know . "

Francois turns around again and takes the clothing, which is lying on his bed. After he is dressed he turns towards the camera again.

" I am going out now - grabbing a bite to eat ", laughs shy " are you coming ? "

The crew follows Francois from his cellar room onto the street.

They walk for a while until Francois sees a drunk lying in some corner.

" Excuse moi, I'll just have a drink or two…" he leans over the unconscious drunk and bites into his hairy , neck.

Francois coughs and pulls a hair out of his mouth : " These Americans, that would never happen in Paris…"

Francois continued to drink . After a few minutes he gets up and cleans his chin with a small cloth. " I believe Merlot , maybe some Red Chardoney, but definitely no Zinfandel. "

Francois slightly unsteady, moves on to another "free drink "

" Ah , Buddy - he is a friend . Always has good whiskey on board ….may I , Buddy " , and Francois leans down to the next Morganville homeless.

After a few sips , Francois starts hiccuping.

" Lets go - mon amis - I love you ALLLLLL. …..Ahhhhh Shelley over there and her Sherry in her - HA, I was funny, wasn't I "

Francois wappeling to the next homeless person and letting himself heavy down, taking a few more sips.

" You should try it , too, my friend…..please come drink with me, pleeeaaasssseee . Iiiiiii loooovveeeee youuuuuuuuu! "

Francois singing a french song , hanging on the producer and and trying to give him a friendship ring , which he had pulled off of unconscious Shelley.

After the fifth homeless person, Francois finally collapsed and was carried home by the film crew.

…..Next time at Morganville - The Reality Show : Oliver - a man of many talents or just an ordinary Hippie ?


	2. Chapter 2

**Morganville - The Reality Show Thank you Vampirejunkie34, your inspiration is endless…..:) **

…**..all the others - enjoy , read and review - thanks !**

**Chapter 2**

Oliver -man of many talents or just an ordinary Hippie ?

Tonight our film crew from KHVB is guest in the well known coffee shop Common Grounds , which is famous for it's strong mochas , delightful pastries and mixed clientele .

" Hey , would you please stop touching my face ! "

" Sorry , Sir, makeup is almost done - the light would make your skin otherwise shine too much and..."

" I will make you shine right now, if you won't stop ." Oliver lifting his fist against the make up artist.

"Please ...Sir, the camera is on green."

" So? ...what do you want from me - shall I run...? " Oliver is getting up , to avoid another touch up with a powder ball and aims for the door of his office . " Never should have agreed to this silliness " , Oliver mumbled silently to himself heading to the back of the coffee bar.

The coffee place is full as usual, students, vampires , nothing out of norm.

" Sir, is it true, that you have a high turn around rate with your personal? " the producer asks.

" What a question is that - heh Appollo - am I a good boss or not ? ...and think twice before you answer or you can take your bag and leave right now..."

Appollo shows thumps up into the camera and grins - " Great boss, never had any better "

" See, just what I said . ...Appollo stop staring into the camera , your are not paid for hanging around here..." Oliver realizing that he is still on camera , is trying to make a recovery smile , while Appollo mouths into the close up , something that looks like a " Help, get me out of here , NOW ! " and disappears in the back room.

Oliver standing now behind the coffee counter himself , working with customers.

The door opens and another celebrity enters Common Grounds.

" Oliver, can I have my usual"

" Miss, Miss - aren't you Miss Danvers ?" the camera turns from Oliver towards Claire.

Claire is putting her sunglasses on and pulls her baseball cap closer into her face.

" Please , Miss Danvers - just over here- are you still together with this Myrnin guy ? Claire - over here..." several high voltage flash lights are going off , the camera in close up shot - Claire filling the entire lens .

Some vampires running into the back of the cafe, due to second degree burns of the Paparazzi camera shots.

" Please , I just want my Mocha - and no comments otherwise " Claire waiting desperately for her cup.

" I thought , I am the topic of this hour. Claire leave..." Oliver giving Claire winks with his eyes to go.

" Clara - here you are! " Monika Morell hugging Claire from the back, smiling into the camera.

" Claire ! My name is Claire! "

Monika smiles , Oliver looks angry, Claire is annoyed.

"...you are...? " the producer askes Monika

Monika's face falls inside it self , little angry birds flying around her head .

" I am Monika Morell and I 'm Clarissa's best friend , right Claudia !"

" MY NAME IS CLAIRE !"

Claire is leaving the cafe with her cup of mocha and her new best friend on her arm, : " We will go shopping, my BFF Claudette and I , byyyyyyeeeee! " Monika waiving enthusiastically , while Claire seemed subdued by something - her Mocha still steaming in one hand and a brown pastry in her other one.

The film crew, while taking the final shot of Claire , is starting to look around for Oliver.

Soon they find him sitting at one of the separate tables in the shade , smoking a bong and eating some Brownies - blowing rings into the air , wearing blue tinted round sunglasses and calling for the ponies to jump over the rainbow.

The KHVB crew stops filming and joins Oliver's expedition into fairy land .

...please tune in again , on Morganville - The Reality Show , when it asks the question:

Eve- Goth Girl or Alice in Wonderland ?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 Thank you Vampirejunkie 34 for reading this parody and giving me your thoughts and also a big thank you to x Lily Flower x for pointing out the c/k :) This id for you guys ... and I know, humor is very subjective , so I appreciate it even more, when you guys read it :)**

**Read + Review , P****LEASE !**

Morganville - The Reality Show

Eve - Goth Girl or Alice in Wonderland ?

"Welcome viewers to our next episode of - Morganville - TRS ! Our main character today is Eve Rossner - the sometimes rude, scary looking Goth girl, which lives in the Glass House with her more attractive roommates Michael Glass and always beautiful Claire Danvers "

" What did you just say there , you Freak ? Rude and scary looking - shall I show you how rude I can be? Shall I ? Shall I …..? " Eve showing her middle finger right into the camera.

" Eve, please , they are just joking ….right ? " Michael pulling Eve slightly away making a sign with his hand to turn off the filming.

" Keep the camera running ." , the producer is heard from the background .

" Hey, what is with me ? You didn't even mention me ! " Shane is stepping now from the side into the center of the frame. " Living here , too! Having feelings - heeelllooooo!

" Kid, step aside please…. we are filming ."

" I KNOW THAT ! Why are you mentioning all the others, but not me ? Have you seen my abs ? " Shane pulling off his shirt and playing muscle man.

" Move that kid out of the way - Rudy, please take care of him …."

The camera is pushed for a moment to face the blank wall of the Glass House, noise of a struggle is audible.

" You F$% , take your hands off of me OR …ouch! "

Camera goes suddenly black - an ad from KHVB is seen on the screen for a minute with elevator music underlining the importance of the message , that they are currently experiencing technical problems.

When the show continues, a muffled noise form the background is still to be heard and a moving bundle is lying on the couch.

" Would you please follow me… ", an extremely friendly Eve politely stomps up the stair case to the second floor.

The crew is following Eve upstairs passing by Michael's open door, where he has one of his legs up, cleaning with an automatic shaver his leg …..WHAT! Door slammed shut .

" Was this Michael Glass ? " the camera man asks curiously , but he gets no answer. Instead he feels Eve's hand on his chin , moving him towards her : " Look at me , buddy , Ok ! "

Eve now standing in her door frame , tipping with one of her Doc Martens with very little patience , again, on the floor.

" So what is it , you want to show us Eve? " , the producer asks, " our viewers want to know …?"

" Do they ? " Eve is fluting " …do they REALLY want to know , who I am , what MY deepest secrets are - what turns ME on ? Do they ? Do they . …he, he ,he ? "

" Ahm… yes M'ame…" , the producer is slightly irritated : " … yes they do … "

" Well, than just wait for a minute here …" and Eve turns with a wide smile around.

While the crew has to wait , they try to get another shot of Michael Glass, but are unable to convince him, to open up his room.

" Check 1-2-3-, check …how much film do we have left ? "

" Enough, for this freak show, Bob …"

" Heh, is the camera still rolling ? "

Before KHVB was able to put another technical difficulty sign up, Eve's door opens up and a bright shine - like a laser beam, lightens up the entire hallway of the old Glass House. Music starts rolling , rhythm is in the air , even the house seems to hum to the music - and there she is - Eve , dressed all in pink, an older version of Shirley Temple dancing to a Dixie Tune along the second floor of the Glass House.

The film crew unable to move , their jaws dropped to the floor, the camera rolling without anybody taking really charge of it, capturing every move of Eve's flawless performance in her pink tutu.

After the song is over and the crew barley recovered , Eve stomps up to them, holding her arms left and right to her hip and makes a sweet pounding mouth - pooopooopiidooo !

" Cut ! "

Next time on Morganville - The Reality Show :

Mr. Bishop - saint or sinner ?


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 Sorry for not writing a while , but unfortunately , there are other things beside writing here - they maybe not as much fun , but….**

**Anyway, thank you for your guys input and Myrnin and Amelie are gong to be next - promised :)**

**Please read and review - thanks :)**

Morganville - The Reality Show

Mr Bishop - saint or sinner ?

Today the film crew has the pleasure to show our audience the real Mr Bishop. After some misunderstandings with Amelie, the Founder, Mr. Bishop took on a low profile , but thanks to our dedicated crew, we were able to find his momentary shelter.

The producer is walking down a narrow dusty road, left and right are empty factory buildings.

" Guys, are you sure , that's the right address? "

The camera man Rudy nods his head.

"Where again did you say , you got this hint from...?"

" Never mind - we have to turn right here."

The crew is entering a large factory hall . At the end , they can see some light in a small room to the right.

" Mr. Bishop are you in here ? "

" C'omon in here boys...". , Bishop sitting in his underware in an old, wide chair a cigar between his lips.

" Sir, did we come too early ? "

"Nonsense boys, just changed into fresh briefs -see " and he lifted one side of his seat slightly and turned it to the camera.

The crew is subjected to a strong breeze from Bishops arm chair.

" I think, I have to vomit " , Rudy the camera man says quietly .

" Get yourself together and keep rolling " , the producer is heard.

" So , what do you want to know from me , boys ", Bishop still chewing on his big Cuban and putting a handful Cheetos into his mouth, crumbs falling on his hairy legs.

"Sir, do you have any contact with your daughter anymore ?"

" Amelie - that bitch ! What do you think ? ...sure , she gives me daily visits to my secret Taji Mahal - can't you see that ? " and he takes a sip of Coke followed by an enormous burb.

A big moth flying around Bishops head , which he desperately tries to catch until he throws one of his slippers at it and hits the head of the Rudy.

"Ouch ! "

"Sorry, boy. Watch out where you stand "

" I was standing , where I should be, behind the camera ..."

" You have to have the last word , don't you , boy ? " , Bishop continues.

" No , I don't " , Rudy replies

" So I see..." Bishop responds

Before Rudy could answer back, the producer kicks the camera man into his shin.

" Ouch ! "

Bishop gets out of his chair , and shuffling over to his fridge, scratching his large behind with his hand.

" You boys, want anything ? " his other , long hairy arm leaned against the open fridge. In fact , Bishops entire body was quiet hairy.

" No , thanks Sir, we are fine "

Bishop takes another soda out and almost finishes it at the spot, followed again by a enormous burb, the released air flowing towards the crew.

It took several minutes , till Rudy gained conscience again , a little dazed , but able to stand on his own feet .

The producer had caught the running camera right on time, before Rudy had collapsed. He had gotten the main hit of the strong breeze out of Bishops mouth.

" You are alright , boy "

" You did that on purpose , you big old..."

"Rudy! " , the producer is heard.

Bishop is slowly shuffling back to his seat, coming dangerously close to the camera.

When he is almost at the same level with Rudy, a loud , bodily explosion is heard - the biggest flatus ever caught on tape.

Rudy woke up in a room of Morganville Hospital , oxygen freely flowing via a nasal canula into his nose.

He is taking deep breaths : " ...aaahhhhhhhh air .."

Comment by the producer: the old factory building was later demolished , due to danger of leaking gases. The closes neighborhoods were evacuated due to this process.

Next time on : Morganville - The Reality Show

Myrnin- mad scientist or genius ?


End file.
